According to a survey by the National Science Foundation, what 
percentage of Americans did *not* know it takes one year for the Earth
to orbit the sun?

(ding) Forty-six percent.  Now, for an addition forty-six points...
er, wait, wrong show.  (audience laughs) Let's see who gets to play...

("Greed" qualifying round's tie for distance sfx)

Marc Enyedy             46%
Andy Silikovitz         46% 
Arlene Silikovitz       46% 

What?  Dang!  You guys must read the same magazines I do.  Well, it's 
a three-way tie and we're looking for three folks.  Sorry to the rest
of the contestants, but 'fraid we'll have to show you back to the
pool.  Perhaps we'll see you later.  As for you three, it's all about
who chimed in the soonest.  That player goes straight to the squares.
Who?

(Andy's podium lights flash)

Andy, you're the designated champ.  You'll get to play HS while Marc
and Arlene play MG.  Now, among Marc and Arlene, the player who locked
in sooner gets to pick first in Round 1.  Who gets that honor?

(Arlene's podium lights flash)

Arlene, you're in position number 1 for MG; Marc you take position 2.
As for the rest of the gang, keep your eyes open for a possible chance
to play the cyber-phone match.  Meantime, our new season of NMG-HSH
begins after this quick break...

======================================================================

(funky guitar music)

(card)

+--------------------------+
|                          |
|Actor who played Jim Stark|
|in "Rebel Without A Cause"|
|                          |
|            +             |
|                          |
|   Host of 'net smush     |
|                          |
+--------------------------+

(flip card)

+--------------------------+
|                          |
|                          |
|                          |
|    James Dean Scungio    |
|                          |
|                          |
|                          |
|                          |
+--------------------------+

Voice guy: 'net smush with Dean Scungio.  Weekdays on VBS.

======================================================================

(cue MG-HSH theme)

The Ghost of Jay Stewart:
It's time for the...

...with our guests..

...from Net Quiddler...
willMORRIS

 

...from Net Price is Right...
jayLEWIS

 

...the new host of
Net Bumper Stumpers...
robertROSKO

 

...from Net Idiot Savants...
travisEBERLE

 

...from Net Super Password...
jerryDEPEW

 

...and the stars of
the Net Match Game -
Hollywood Squares Hour...
ryanMORRIS
and
dougMORRIS

(NMG-HSH sign rises; MG-esque doors open; Ryan and Doug are 
welcomed to an ecstatic crowd, walk down the stairs, shake hands)

Doug: Thank you, ghost of Jay Stewart.  Hellloooooo everybody, and
welcome to our new season of the Net Match Game - Hollywood Squares 
Hour.

Ryan: That's right.  We've upped the stakes considerably -- but
the fun and laughter should remain intact.

Doug: Now before we move on, we should note we had plans to 
reinstate Phil Levine's championship.  However, due to academic
responsibility, he's not able to join us.  

Ryan: We'll still give him a chance to play HS in a future episode.
The current champ will play the X's and Phil the circles. 

Doug: And the Match Game part we're still figuring out.  But, more
on that later.  Let's say hello to our... (looks to panel)

 

 

 

 

Doug: (noticing Will's sitting in the co-hosts' chair) ...um, Will?

(audience laughs)

Will: Yes?

Doug: What are you doing in the lower left seat?  You're supposed
to be in the other row with Jay and Robert.

Will: I thought this was the Morris chair?

(audience laughs)

Ryan: Yes, but that belongs to Doug and me!

Will: Sorry, guys.  (Will gets up and goes upstairs with Jay and
Robert)

Doug: Much better.  Ryan, now that he's vacated our chair, keep
it warm for us as we start our new season.  (Ryan and Doug
shake hands; audience cheers; Ryan walks to *the* Morris chair
while Doug walks to the new MG players' desks)  Let's say hi
to our players, Arlene Silikovitz and Marc Enyedy.

 

 

 

(audience cheers)

Doug: Let's spend a few moments in conversation with our players starting
with Arlene.

Arlene: I am from West Orange, NJ, and I am an office manager in a 
psychology office. I enjoy choral singing (I sing in five different choirs), 
gourmet cooking and baking, and my two cats.

Doug: And Arlene's the mother of our designated champion Andy -- so this
may end up being the Net Match Game - Hollywood Squares - Blockbusters
Hour And A Half.  (audience laughs) Only kiddin', folks.  Good luck in
the game.  We wish equal good luck to Marc.  Tell us about yourself.

Marc: My name's Marc Enyedy (it rhymes with Kennedy).  I'm 20 years old, 
and I live in Riverside, NJ, just across the Delaware from Philly.  I 
work in Trenton for the Treasury Department, and in my spare time, I 
surf the Internet and play games like yours.

Doug: Ah, it's the battle of Jersey in this portion of the program.
Nice to have you both here.  As you know, you'll be given fill in the
blank question in an attempt to match as many...

 

 

 

 

Doug: ...of the creatures from the dark lagoon as you possibly can.
Each time you match one of our stars, you collect CY$100.  In the
even you match all six stars over the course of these three rounds,
we'll up your total to CY$1000.  If you match more celebrities than
your opponent by the end of the third round, you'll win the game,
another CY$500 and the right to play Andy in Hollywood Squares
where phat jack can be won.  (audience cheers)

(Doug pushes the button revealing the first round questions)

MG ROUND 1 BEGINS