(MG-HSH theme plays) Rich: If you would like tickets to see the Net Match Game - Hollywood Squares Hour in person, send us a self addressed stamped envelope to...
Rich: ...some of our departing contestants will receive... Cella's Chocolate Cherries. Pure chocolate shell, luscious real fruit cherry and a 100% liquid center. Cella's Chocolate-Covered Cherries. Poppycock Fluffy Popcorn. Mixed with almonds, cashews and pecans smothered in a delightful buttery glaze. Poppycock, the delicious gourmet popcorn treat. One-hundred forty-four square feet of Flintkote peel-and-stick floor tile. Easy to apply -- because the adhesive is on the back. Flintkote peel-and-stick floor tile available in distinctive decorator styles. A gift certificate from Service Merchandise. Shop from our 500-page catalog, or redeem at one of our many stores. Furnished by Service Merchandise. And a member of our studio audience will receive Dazey Turbo Spa. Helps turn your bath into a luxurious, stress-relieving retreat. Full-powered, full-featured. Turbo Spa -- furnished by Dazey. Rich: ...and back to Ryan and Doug. (music fades) (audience cheers) Ryan: First, thanks to everyone on the panel for another great show -- especially the Net Press Your Luck team. (more cheers) Ryan: Special word of best wishes and good luck to Brian and Andrea -- who will become parents of a daughter they're naming Brianna. (more cheers) Doug: And an extra special thanks to all of you. As we've often noted, your support keeps this ship running. As our way of saying thanks, we wanted to cap off our 10th annivesary celebration -- with a few favorite moments from the last decade. Watch. (clips roll) === Doug: Gabrielle the desperate housewife, said, "I really should end this affair I'm having with the gardener. The other day, he brought << BLANK >> with him to bed." Tom Krueger: (card) A hoe (buzz) (audience laughs and applauds) === Doug: The country of Nerdocrumbesia takes "cruel and unusual punishment" to a new level. Instead of prison, a man was sentenced to 50 years of watching "7th Heaven" on that other channel. That's according to Alan. What, according to you, Ryan? Ryan: (multiple cards) +===========+ | Watching | +===========+ +===========+ | Richard | | Simmons | +===========+ +===========+ | Sweating | | the Oldes | +===========+ (buzz) (audience laughs and applauds) Doug: Ah, yes. You can only do jumping jacks to the Beach Boys for so long. David? David Hammond: Cruel and unusual punishment huh? Makes me wonder if I should go get a certain dragon, and make him rap, like they did in..... RERUNS OF TIC TAC DOUGH 1990 (buzz) (audience laughs and applauds) === Doug: "American Idol" judge Simon Cowell said, "Kellie Pickler was *so* dreadful..." Audience members: (not quite together) How dreadful was she? Doug: Sheesh, that was pretty dreadful right there. (audience laughs) === Jay Lewis: (sitting next to Jay Converse) You know Doug, the stage manager must have bought one of those knock-off GPS systems for his car. I mean, why else would he put Jay-Jay together? (audience laughs) JayJay, the DUMB choice in navigation! (more laughs) === Doug: Weird Willie is in the hospital again. That's because he tried to remove his loose tooth with a << BLANK >>. Travis Eberle: Doug, please make sure that Jay won't throw things at me with my answer. Doug: Mmmm'kay. Travis: Weird Willie snuck on to the set of 'Net Price is Right and filched a +--------+ | PL!NKO | | CHIP | +--------+ Travis: and used that to remove his tooth. (buzz) (audience laughs) Doug: (looks puzzled) Jay, what'cha think? Jay: (looks at Travis) Trav, I dunno what your smokin but either lay off of it or pass it over here. Could you expand on how a Plinko Chip could be used to remove a tooth? (audience laughs) === Doug: Mrs. Thornside, the new teacher at the school, is so mean... Everyone else in unison: HOW MEAN IS SHE?!?!??!??! Doug: ...when one of her students got out of line the other day, she didn't send him to time-out or detention. She sent him to << BLANK >>. Jay: She sent him to.............. +-------+ | THE | | CHAIR | +-------+ (buzz) Jay: Doug, you can NOT BE SERIOUS! (Jay throws a bunch of cards in the air and hurls another fistful at Doug. Jay storms off the set, still throwing cards. He runs back on set, rips his name plate off of his display and throws it at the judges table then walks back off the set.) (audience laughs and applauds) Doug: Jay McEnroe, ladies and gentleman. (more laughs) Sheesh, all this money we spent on new stuff for the set and now we gotta make repairs. (more laughs) === Doug: Dylan said, "One of the Pussycat Dolls ambushed me in a parking lot yesterday. Instead of a gun, her weapon of choice was a << BLANK >>." Dean Scungio: "Weapon of Choice"? Wasn't that Fatboy Slim? (audience laughs) How about me, a Pussycat Doll, and a... +------+ | WHIP | +------+ (Dean growls) (audience laughs) (buzz) === Doug: As you know by now, Bob Barker is retiring as host of "The Price is Right". Thankfully, gossip columnist Roma Garrett reports CBS has declined << BLANK'S >> offer to succeed him. Troy Diggs: I think we're all better off now that CBS has turned down [PATRICK WAYNE] (buzz) Doug: You know something? YOU'RE RIGHT!!!!!!! (audience laughs) === Ryan: Doug, can a Major League Baseball player allow a walk and still have a perfect game? Doug: Depends on if he's juiced up on steroids. (audience laughs) === Ryan: Josh, true or false: George Washington's dentures were actually made from an elephant's tusk. Josh Royal: Which made them much more durable than Janet Jackson's wardrobe. (audience laughs) === Ryan: According to the lyrics of a song by Sly Fox, the Hollywood Squares are living -- where? Doug: They're living in < Gilbert Gottfried > DELAWARE!!!! < / Gilbert Gottfried > (audience laughs) === Ryan: Mark, this has occured in New Orleans more than it has anywhere else in the United States. What? Mark Sinsabaugh: Girls Gone Wild filmings. (audience laughs) === Ryan: Jay, Dick Wilson played what famous character in commercials? Jay: The guy in the Viagra commercials. It was a small part that he definitely grew into. (audience laughs and applauds) === Ryan: Chico, the co-hosts of the Net Match Game - Hollywood Squares Hour share the same last name -- but aren't related. What ABC News program was anchored by two journalists who shared the same last name -- but weren't related? Chico Alexander: I don't know, but it was probably followed why ABC sucked so much after Millionaire left. (audience laughs and applauds) === Ryan: Doug, they were originally known as The Matadors. What do we now know them as? Doug: Milton DeLugg and His Band with a Thug? (audience laughs) === Ryan: Chico, rocker Axl Rose once earned $8.00 an hour in the name of science -- by doing what? Chico: Tawny Kitaen. (audience laughs and applauds) === Ryan: Dean, We all remember Michael Richards as Kramer on "Seinfeld". But what show marked his TV debut? Dean Scungio: That classic children's TV show "Stanley Spadowski's Clubhouse" on channel 62. Oh, that was a great show! I loved it when he got kids to drink from the fire hose! "Open wide!" (audience laughs) === Doug: Batman said to Robin the Boy Wonder, "Robin, unfortunately we have to sell the Batcave. It gets worse. The << BLANK >> is the first to go." Randy Amasia: Their humongous BAT POLES (audience laughs) Doug: Eh, even with the pronoun, I think that's a match. (ding; audience applause) There ya go. === Eddie Timanus: Well, I think Randy has the big 3 0. Doug: All right. Randy, do you have that elusive 30? (Randy Amasia crosses fingers; pulls tab) +------------+ | | | | | +----+ | | | 20 | | +[ | RANDY ]+ Doug: Nope, but it's a 20 -- meaning Eddie's playing for... [CY$20000] (ding; audience applause) Doug: CY$20,000. Yes indeed, if you can't win 30-grand, I want you to win 20-grand. It can be done if you both arrive at the same answer. Remember, this must be an exact match. Good luck Eddie. Randy, please put virtual pen to paper on this... Doug: Spelling << BLANK >>. That's S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G. Spelling << BLANK >>. (J! think music plays) (ding) Doug: OK, Eddie, Randy's ready and we're ready for yours. Spelling << BLANK >>. Eddie: Well, in this case, I think I *will* trust my first instinct ... Spelling Bee. (audience cheers) Doug: That's the only thing that crossed my mind. If the same holds true for ATGS' Overlord, your winnings will total more than CY$37,000. Randy, 20-grand says you wrote down "Spelling Bee". (Randy has on a great poker face for the super match) Randy: Spelling BEE +------------+ | | | | | +----+ | | | 20 | | +[^| RANDY ]+ (audience applause; slot machine payoff sfx; MG-HSH win music plays) (Eddie shakes hands Doug; Randy comes down to join in the celebration; everyone else in studio gives him a standing "O") === Ryan: Cindy, your first wedding anniversary is paper. Your twenty-fifth is silver. What is your ninth? Cindy Morris: Hey, give me diamonds. (audience laughs) I'll say wood. Andy: I know that wood is for the 5th wedding anniversary.... so .... I will disagree. Ryan: The ninth wedding anniversary is willow or straw. Circle gets the square and the win! (dings; audience applause; MG-HSH win music plays) Doug: Hey, Ryan. Ryan: Yeah, Doug? Doug: I gotta say it's interesting Andy disagreed with my wife to win that last round. If I disagreed with Cindy, I end up sleeping on the couch. :) (audience laughs) === Andy Geller: Let's go with Cindy again ! Doug: Going with Cindy. The Helen Rayburn to my Gene Rayburn. The Betty White to my Allen Ludden. What'cha got for Andy? Cindy Morris: Getting back to "The Amazing Race", I want to reveal my number like Greg opened his first envelope in one leg of the seventh race. "Big bucks, big bucks, big bucks, no whammies." (audience laughs) +------------+ | | | | | +----+ | | | 30 | | +[ | CINDY ]+ (ding) (audience cheers) Doug: Well, not the biggest bucks -- but certainly far from a whammy. [CY$30000] (ding) Doug: You're going to try to match Cindy for CY$30,000. You know how to do this, Andy. Cindy, please write down your best response to this head-to-head question -- and then I'll call for Andy's response. The question... << BLANK >> Flag. That's F-L-A-G. << BLANK >> Flag. (MG '76 Super Match think music plays) (Cindy scribbles something down...shows answer to Ryan and Dean who nod in agreement she wrote down a good answer...then she puts the card in the slot) (ding) Doug: OK, Cindy's ready with her answer and we're ready for yours. For CY$30,000, what's the winning answer to "<< BLANK >> Flag"? Andy: Wow, so many good choices.... not an easy one at all..... but I have to go with AMERICAN Flag. (audience cheers) Doug: Seems you've matched the audience. But, you have to match Cindy for CY$30,000. Sweetheart, it's moment of truth time. Show us that card please. Cindy: (sighs) Oh, Andy, you're right about one thing. There were lots of choices. I'm a Jeff Gordon fan -- and I thought of the checkered flag he captured at this year's Daytona 500. Doug: Darn it. Cindy: Wait, honey, I'm not done. I was about to say Jeff won the great... (card) +----------+ | AMERICAN | +----------+ Cindy: ...American race. +------------+ | | | | | +----+ | | | 30 | | +[^| CINDY ]+ [CY$30000] (audience applause; slot machine payoff sfx; MG-HSH win music plays) === (clips end) (audience applause) Doug: We started this 10th anniversary celebration with a dedication to Cindy and Randy. And we will end it reiterating the sentiment that we love them and we miss them dearly. Until next time, make it a great and safe holiday season, keep the faith, treasure your loved ones -- and make sure you're here for Year 11 of the Net Match Game - Hollywood Squares Hour -- or else. Everyone but Doug and Ryan in the studio in unison: YOU'RE BLANKED!!!! Ryan and Doug in unison: We agree! (audience cheers) (MG-HSH theme plays)
