Best of the Charlie Pevey/Ryan Morris Days
(Note from Doug Morris: As many of you know, before I signed on to co-host with Ryan, he co-hosted the Net Match Game - Hollywood Squares Hour with Charlie Pevey. While I don't have access to full episodes from those days, enjoy these highlights from the inaugural voyage of NMG-HSH captained by Ryan and Charlie.)
(from Episode 1)
Ryan: Dumb Donald is so dumb!
Audience: HOW DUMB IS HE?
Ryan: I am going to tell you. Instead of a Nutcracker to crack his nuts, he uses his [BLANK].
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Charlie: No, I didn't go to GSC8. But Donald did. He uses his...
+----------+
| PAIR OF |
|"THE BIG |
| SHOWDOWN"|
| DICE |
+----------+
[BZZZZZZZZZZZ]
(celebrities laugh hard and fall out of chairs)
____________________
(from Episode 1)
Gus Mahler: lets take tim connolly
(Marshall HS buzzer sounds)
Charlie: AAAAACK! What was that?
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Charlie: Tim, what kind of restaurant serves yum buk foo?
Tim Connolly: I dunno, but I'm staying away from that restaurant. ____________________
(from Episode 2)
Jay Lewis: BTW, have y'all seen my new tattoo?
(raises shirt sleeve)
BORN TO
SLAM
PEARSON
____________________
(from Episode 2)
Back on the New Year's Eve episode of "Match Game '76", Mark Goodson said: "By the time it gets to be "Match Game '99", I'll need a new [BLANK]." Back then, he probably meant "host". But as he looks down from the heavens and watches the show today, he can see that the current version of "Match Game" really needs a new [BLANK]."
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Ryan: The first thing to enter my mind was...
+-----------------+
| A NEW PANELIST |
| To REPLACE JUDY |
+-----------------+
[BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ]
Charlie: WHAT!? You should know that I am very much on record as being a Judy Tenuta fan! Nobody here slams Judy Tenuta!!! (Charlie smacks Ryan in head with card) NOT on (card smack) MY (card smack) HALF of the (card smack) SHOW!!!
____________________
(from Episode 2)
The Artist (formerly known as Prince) just released a new song. In the chorus, instead of singing "Tonight we're gonna party likes it's 1999", he sings, "Tonight we're gonna party likes it's [BLANK]".
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John 'scArA' Plasket: <Artist> They say two thousand zero zero bug is coming in twelve months' time...</Artist>
(many people in the studio are dancing)
scArA: <Artist> So I said we're gonna party like it's... </Artist> 1899. ____________________
(from Episode 2)
Flashback question from "Match Game '74": They put a vicious dog in front of the White House. It's there to keep [BLANK] out.
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Tammy Warner: Hmmm.....a vicious dog in front of the White House. Who did they hire? Dino the Dinosaur?
(Audience laughs)
____________________
Charlie: Tammy Warner said--
Charlie (looking at Tammy): Don't worry, Tammy, it's not embarrassing...
"I've been dating Dumb Donald, and boy, is he dumb!"
Everyone: HOW DUMB IS HE?
"I keep telling him to remember the first host of 'Name That Tune', George DeWitt. But he keeps thinking of George [BLANK]!"
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Tammy: One more thing (turning to the panel): NO wise cracks aimed at me please, I am armed with a can of hairspray.
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Oh look everyone! It's Patti Deutsch! (standing ovation) My gosh, my favorite panelist from the '70s "Match Game". Thanks for being here, Patti. You brought your own seat, slot and everything! What did you think of my question?
Patti: I thought it was good, but I couldn't think of a George.
Charlie: You couldn't think of a George?
Patti: No, so I said...
+-------+
| MONTY |
| HALL |
+-------+
[BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ] (the whole panel cracks up)
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Charlie: But I think that if Donald was really dumb, he'd drop the name of someone tacky, such as "Extreme Gong" host, George GRAY! Then, Tammy really would have been disappointed! (objects hurled from audience) Uh oh, better duck!
Hey! That's what he deserves for using a stuffed giraffe on his show! Hmmph. I brought in a stuffed giraffe for "'net Match Game", Round 23, Question 1. And I have the e-mail to prove it!
____________________
(from Episode 2)
Jax: I'll take Charlie Pevey
(holds up card)
+-------+
| HELL |
| YEAH! |
+-------+
(Bill Hughes IV cracks up)
Ryan: Charlie, my partner in crime...
Charlie: The Rayburn to your Bauman, the Burger to your Bergeron, the Schaffer to your Davidson...well, maybe not that last one. (:))
____________________
(from Episode 3)
Adam Scimone: I'm back, so let's have the other Morris, Ryan, for the win.
Charlie: The Burger to my...oh, never mind...
____________________
(from Episode 3)
Charlie: Lower right corner for "ATG-S's Sweetheart"...
Tammy: Howdy Hi Charlie!
Jay: I thought *I* was the "ATG-S Sweetheart"!
Charlie: No, Jay, just for New Brunswick.
(Tammy gives a 'Marge/Lisa Simpson groan')
____________________
(from Episode 3)
Charlie: Jay Jay! It's about time we got to ya!
Jay: I was just relaxing on my shag, BABY...YEAH!
Charlie: <Austin Powers> Oooh, behave! </AP>
How long can a person live without water?
Jay: About as long as Clinton can go without oral sex.
(audience laughs)
____________________
(from Episode 3)
Charlie: Agree or disagree, Greg?
Greg Diener: I Disaggre & if he's right i'm gonna just get off the Stage & slap myself!
Charlie: (shakes head) He's right. It's a yo-yo.
(Greg walks off stage, slaps self)
Come back here, Greg! We still got a game to play!
____________________
(from Episode 4)
My girlfriend Kelly is learning how to cook. Yesterday, she made a dessert she called Banana Nut Surprise. Now I know why she called it Banana Nut Surprise. It tasted like [BLANK]!
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Tammy, I think Gene Wood might be a good inspiration for your answers.
Tammy: I'm STILL going with Johnny Gilbert!
Charlie: Well, let's see if he's giving you good thoughts here...
Tammy: When you think of bananas, you think of monkeys; & I don't mean the ones who sang 'I'm A Believer'! So that 'Banana Nut Surprise' must taste like
+--------+
| MONKEY |
| FUR! |
+--------+
[BZZZ] (crickets chirping)
Charlie: (looks to audience) Do they listen to me? No!
____________________
(from Episode 4)
Poor Michael Burger. First, "Match Game" gets cancelled. Now, [BLANK] won't take his phone calls.
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Who's hanging up on Mr. Burger, Don?
Don Smith: OK...how about JUDY TENUTA??
(applause) Makes sense...
(Judy Tenuta comes running across stage toward Charlie)
Judy: OH, DADDY! (hugs Charlie)
Charlie: JUDY!? And what are you doing calling *me* Daddy? I'm younger than you are!
Judy: *Work* with me, OK?
____________________
(from Episode 4)
There was a celebration at the taping of "'Net Price is Right", commemorating the completion of its 20th episode. They brought out a cake, and [BLANK] popped out of it.
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Jay, you're the host, what's the *right* answer?
Jay: Well I was gonna say MONICA LEWINSKY <JUDY> HEY IT COULD HAPPEN </JUDY> but there's only one cake popper...
+--------+
| RANDY |
| AMASIA |
+--------+
The Roger Dobkowitz to my Bob Barker!
[BZZZ] (applause)
Charlie: That's it!
(Randy runs in from stage right)
Randy: SURPRISE! Just thought I'd *pop in* and see what was going on and plug NMG! It's back! It's Back in Black! It's AC/DC! It's new! It's fresh!
----------(Note from Doug: Before I co-hosted this net game, I sat on the panel a number of times and helped launch the first NMG-HSH site. On this same NPiR 20th episode question, Ryan and I were seated next to each other. Get a load of how we fill in the blank...)
Ryan, who did you put down?
Ryan: Again, there are alot of choices. I Said...
+-------------+
| Doug Morris |
+-------------+
[BZZZ] (laughter as Doug looks strangely at Ryan)
____________________
Doug, were you planning on popping out of the cake, or have you got another idea?
Doug: Too bad I didn't put down Ryan. (more laughter)
Actually, there were a lot of choices -- Gwen Stefani, Shania Twain, but the one I put down...
+---------+
|fmr.Spice|
| Girl |
+---------+
+---------+
| Geri |
|Halliwell|
+---------+
[BZZZ]
Charlie: Another favorite redhead of mine...oh wait, she's blonde now.
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(from Episode 4)
102-year-old Mr. Perriwinkle said, <OMP> "Ugggggh ahhh ahhhh...I must be getting forgetful. I just went on my second honeymoon but I forgot [BLANK]!" </OMP>
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Jim?
Jimmy Lokay: Before I show you my cybercard, I have a little gripe. At the opening of the show, Gene Wood says stuff like "From 'Net Price Is Right', Jay Lewis!!!!!!!!" All I get is ... "jimlokay".
Charlie: (gets on his soap box) Dude! You'll get your billing next show. AFAIK, you're not the host of anything yet. But starting with the next show, you'll get ALL CAPS from Gene Wood! Ryan Morris will still get top billing, but hey, you'll be a host, dammit!
(Jim ducks under his desk; Charlie looks at Jim under desk)
I'm done, Jim. You can come out from under there now. Let's get to the question.
(Jim gets up and back into chair)
Jim: Well, I've always loved Patti Deutsch...
+------+
| WHY! |
+------+
[BZZZ]
Charlie: MY PROTEGE! This guy will do just fine doing my job!
____________________
(from Episode 4)
Ryan: Charlie & Kelly, What's a line that passes through the center of a circle and joins both sides?
Kelly Lieu: That would be the diameter.
Charlie: <Regis Philbin> Is that your final answer? </RP>
Kelly: Diameter is my final answer. (:))
(WWTBAM lock-in sound effect)
____________________
(from Episode 2)
Charlie: Let's see what Jay's multiplier number is:
+----------+
| |
| +----+ |
| | 30 | |
+[^| JAY ]+
YOU GOT A 30! We're only playing for CY$30,000!!! It's only our biggest moment in the history of 'nMG-HSH! OK, here's the phrase:
[BLANK] BURGER
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Greg: You Know if this was a Regular Super Match i would say Chesse Burger but Jay may be thinking of something else like maybe Match Game 99 host Michael Burger so i'm going witm Michael Burger i'm hoping Jay won't let me down.
(audience applauds loudly)
Charlie: You know, I wish you'd have picked Tammy Warner...I'd be writing out a check already. But you picked Jay, and it's him you gotta match for CY$30,000. Jay, what's on that card?
Jay: Well Chuck...I'm a big eater and my first instinct was HAMburger and Gene always says go with your first instinct.
(audience in a stunned silence)
So, Greg, I said
+-------+
|MICHAEL| burger
+-------+
(audience roars with applause)
(MG/HSH win music plays)
Jay: ALLRIGHT GREG! YES! Sorry about the budget Chuck!
____________________
