("Hail to the Chief" plays)
D.J.: (still wearing her George Washington costume) Presidents of the U.S. receive a 21-gun salute -- but not me. The other day, an ex visited me, took off his shirt and gave me a two-gun salute. (audience laughs as she shakes her head) Doug?
Doug: Thank you, Madame President -- I think. (more laughs) Anyway, welcome back to Net Poker. Time to play our elimination round of the game ...
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Doug: ... it's 5-Card Poker. Since John finished second in the last round, he got to cut the cards.
John and Jay, the first two cards from the top of the deck will come down the chute -- and I'll ask you a 10-point toss-up question. Chime in with the right answer and you get the points plus the right to select one of the up cards for your five-card hand. The card you decline will then go to your opponent by default.
We'll keep this up until you each have four cards. Then, the fifth pair of cards will become available face down and we'll play a 15- point blind card question. Buzz in with the right answer and you win the points and the right to select a card.
We'll then turn all the cards face up and award 25 points to the player with the better hand. Player with the better score wins the round and advances to play against Rick in Joker Poker.
We have reset your point totals to 0 and can now start this round with what cards, D.J.?
D.J.: If our seamstress is watching, I want to keep this outfit. This would be perfect for this year's Halloween party.
(light laughter from the crowd as the cards come down the chute)
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D.J.: OK, the Queen of Clubs and the King of Diamonds.
Doug: All right. Two face cards up. Even though D.J.'s still wearing that presidential costume, it's all general knowledge from here on out. So, here we go with the first question in the round...
Before creating the hit TV show Desperate Housewives, Marc Cherry was a writer for...
\ The Golden Girls
\ The Five Mrs. Buchanans
\ all of the above
\ none of the above
Doug: Jay.
Jay: All of the above.
Doug: That's right.
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Doug: Ya know, my wife's a big fan of Desperate Housewives and The Golden Girls. (stuffs question card in jacket pocket) I'm taking this home to her. (audience laughs) Jay, you've got the first points in the round -- and the choice of card. Which one?
John: King of diamonds, please.
Doug: Cowboy's yours...
 JOHN  JAY |
Doug: ...and the champ gets the Queen. Two more cards are on the way.
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D.J.: The Ace of Spades and the 9 of Hearts.
Doug: And here's our next query for 10...
Nirvana is a...
\ name of a rock group who had a hit with "Bark At The Moon"
\ state of bliss
\ all of the above
\ none of the above
Doug: John.
John: state of bliss
Doug: That's right and we have a tie ballgame.
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Doug: "Bark At The Moon" was the work of Ozzy Osbourne. Which card, champ?
John: Ace of Spades
Doug: The prettiest card in the deck, so says Norman Chad...
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JOHN JAY |
Doug: ...and Jay gets the 9. Third pair of the cards coming.
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D.J.: The 9 of Clubs and the Ace of Hearts.
Doug: Another moment of yin and yang. Next question for 10...
"Breakaway"/Breakaway is the title of...
\ the debut episode of "Star Trek"
\ an album by Kelly Clarkson
\ all of the above
\ none of the above
Doug: John.
John: An Album by Kelly Clarkson
Doug: That's it.
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Doug: "Breakaway" was also the title for the debut of Space: 1999 -- A.K.A. Star Trek Lite. (light laughter from the crowd) OK, John, you have the lead and the choice of card.
John: Ace of Hearts
Doug: The Ace again is yours...
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JOHN JAY |
Doug: ...and another 9 goes on Jay's half of the board. Fourth pair of cards to come.
D.J.: And this time, we're playing for...
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D.J.: ...the 10 of Hearts and the 9 of Diamonds.
(a few "oohs" from the crowd)
Doug: Well, the plot thickens suddenly. And this next question is *quite* lenghty -- so play carefully...
During the final week of H²: Hollywood Squares...
\ they played the infamous Gilbert Gottfried "You Fool!" clips from the second season
\ members of the show's staff played the game for their favorite charities
\ all of the above
\ none of the above
Doug: Jay.
Jay: Members of the sho'ws staff played the game.
Doug: Good enough. (audience applause) When selecting an answer, you don't have to repeat it word for word. So long as you respond with enough information pinpointing to what you think is the right answer. OK, Jay, tie ball game and I think I know which card you'd like.
Jay: The 9, please.
Doug: And that gives you trips...
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JOHN JAY |
Doug: ...John's naturally hoping there's an Ace among this last pair of cards that come...
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Doug: ...face down. For 15 points and the important control of the cards, the question...
When listing all the games that require marbles, you must include...
\ Sorry!
\ Hungry Hungry Hippos
\ all of the above
\ none of the above
Doug: Jay.
Jay: Hungry Hungry HipPOS! The amazing eating race!
Doug: Indeed it is. (audience applause) And there's no truth to the rumor Phil Keoghan's hosting its TV game show spinoff. (audience laughs) OK, Jay. You have the lead 35-to-20. But with 25 points up for the better hand, it's coming down to the cards and they're right now in your control. Which card -- left or right?
Jay: I'll take the left card, since I'm a southpaw.
Doug: Southpaw card for you...
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JOHN JAY |
Doug: ...and John gets the right. Now, the only way John could have a chance to win this round is if that right card was an Ace. D.J., let's go ahead and see if John ended up with a third Ace.
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JOHN  JAY |
Doug: Nope. A Jack and Jay wins it.
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(winning bells; audience applause)
Doug: What was Jay's last card?
 JOHN JAY  |
Doug: Nope. A 10. Well, who knew a 10-9 situation on the fourth pair would prove to be the turning point in the game? Jay, stand by for your shot at CY$5000. John, you're leaving us with CY$200 additional for the 20 points you scored in this round. You have that and more than CY$4000 and that great Disney Vacation -- plus our thanks for playing.
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Doug: Jay, chance to win CY$5000 here and now. Where is it?
Jay: I'll take the P
Doug: The P it is. And there we find...
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...just 500. (smooth jazz theme plays) We'll take a break, Deej will will deliver the State of the Union address and we'll play our Joker Poker round after this.
D.J.: State of the union? There's an ex-hubby joke there somewhere. But, the floor director's giving us the wrap signal.
(audience laughs) (fade to black)
ADVANCE TO JOKER POKER
